Ace of Spades

theres an innocence in my doubt. How could this really be happening? Washing away the stains on the wall; our teeth are coffee colored yellow. The residue from out past is splattered on the greenest of grass and here I am, wondering just why you like me. Chasing falling stars like a dog chases the bright cars. Unable to see through the blackest of a canvas; the night is comforting. Staring, wondering; where did we bring this? I am touched by a hand that cares. hands swimming through the tide of my weary soul. He has yet to hit the deep end. The deepest of my oceans, hides a scary thought. A creature created out of fear, lust and insecurity. "All of the above" whispers the devil as he hands god The Ace of Spades. I am so scared.A sadist for a year, a slave girl for life. Abused and used; I am not used to that smile; those looks; your patience. Your emotions are so foreign to me. I feel out of place. bad days blend into bad months and you close your mouth tight. shutting out our only daylight. Speaking in silence, I wish you could swim in my pain. My brain, rots before the saddest of eyes. I am just waiting for another piece of me to slowly die.

Accidents in mid air. I told you I wasn't fully aware. My beauty rots before you; you love me still. I wish you were different, I wish you liked what they didnt. Repressing age old thoughts and dying memories. I think I am more damaged then I would like to admit. Dragged myself through hell and back again. The look on their face; priceless. I am stumbling, attempting to kiss the dark goodbye. Tripping over circumstance after circumstance. Does he like me just the way I am? There is an innocence in my supression. I am scared, I am lonely; I am always guilty. A hand raised to love me and I coward in fear. What have you done to me? what have I done to myself? The art of pain painted across my fragile face. Does he know just how careful I need to be handled? Placing me inside a heart shaped box made of cardboard and lies. I am trying my hardest not to fucking cry. I have lost a piece of myself; I am finding the rest. Embedded in someone else's soul... I lost my very best.

Sad faces in an empty crowd. There is a part of me that cannot be found.